Sunday, December 8, 2013
The Relationship Idiot
Lacking the understanding of relationships and how to grow them are roots of the awkward
situations in one's social life. Those spots in time that are smudged by the inability to say what is in you. We miss out on this opportunity everyday. Then, expecting others to be honest with us emotionally and are then heart broken when we find they are just as much the relationship idiot as we are. Yet we continue to miscommunicate, taking for granted those who actually want to deepen their bond with us.
Maybe there is a fear of inconvenience, the thought of having to pay attention to a person other than you. Or, you're keeping that someone around to boost the old ego; reassuring you that you "still got it". Maybe they are there only to fall back on if the good relationships don't workout. Like a back up roll of toilet paper to wipe your ass on.
It could be that underlying thought of inferiority. By seeing how perfect one appears, another automatically feels not good enough. That triggers the competitive nature, causing the inferior to, almost without will, humiliate themselves by performing stunts and jumping through hoops to gain the attention of others or to persuade them that they would do well to give them a shot.
We all do this, and when they don't bite the bait, we become overwhelmed with self-loathing, secretly blaming them for thinking that the fake person representing us at that moment is not super cool.
But, there are things you can do to avoid the misconstrued entanglements that once were or could become a good thing:
You have to first be honest with you. No matter how much you want things to go a certain way, they may not. The situation may actually suck. You cant go around thinking that if you brown-nose enough that this person will discover how wonderful you are and come running.
If the situation sucks because you are wasting every one's time by keeping your mouth shut, Stop. It is never good to keep vital, relationship-saving information inside of you, just because you have a mild case of relationship phobia. And if it will never be more than a casual friendship, state that. There is nothing that diminishes misunderstandings of relationships more than honesty. But try not to be rude about it.
NEVER settle for less than you know that you want...deep down in your heart. Just because someone shows you attention doesn't mean they have the correct intentions, or that they even respect you in any way. Being led on and dropped repeatedly, causes all kinds of hard feelings. And that doesn't happen when someone respects the fact that you have feelings.
Also, don't ever let anyone keep you around to break you down. You are valuable to the people who really care, not the ones that compare you to or boast about others in order to give you guidelines on what is expected. There is no one in the world like you, so do not allow people to put you under judgment of their standards.
Do not be afraid to say what you feel. You deserve to have a voice and may never get the opportunity in the future. The situation may be scary, but it is better to do, fail, and get back up than to do nothing and die.
If you have had a recent encounter with a relationship idiot tell me about it below. Just change the names to protect them. ;)